I want English Muffin insurance, for those times when you tear the thing all wrong and one side is basically not there and the thing toasts completely unevenly because of the difference in girth. And the pressure's on then, because the damn things come in six-packs, which makes no sense. It doesn't correlate with anything: there are five weekdays, seven days in a week if you're eating them every day (and it's 10/14 if there's two of you in the house). Every once in a while I'll come upon a four-pack and think, "Two of those might work better", but then I get up close and realize it's one of those massive "SANDWICH SIZE!" affairs and I can't do it. Sure I've eaten sandwiches made from English Muffins, even hamburgers when we ran out of buns, but there's something depressing about intentionally buying those. And if you try to eat one for breakfast, you're going to feel like a real fatty. So that doubles the pressure and I wind up in front of the toaster like some bomb disposal technician whose decided on which wire to cut and now it's just a question of death or glory. This is why there are Eggos.