My mom tells the story of kicking my grandfather, a cop, out of the room whenever they watched Dragnet because he'd constantly be yelling at the screen. I think I'm next for that treatment with Lost. The problem's not really Jack, who's Big Twist is that a well-to-do, masterful surgeon was a better person and happier wrecked on an island. Because I don't think he was a better person. He seems to be a shrill, inconsistent jerk there too. I will admit I can't stand his alcoholism is used to indicate this hero can't cope with the normal world, the vodka-in-the-morning-OJ just a variation on Rocky Balboa's raw eggshake.

It's not the fact my first thought after parachuting onto an island, meeting the natives and being stabbed by the natives would be, "OWIE OWIE, THIS JOB SUCKS" instead of "I bet this ragtag bunch of idiots has at least three Proudfoot-class Human Prey trackers. Better make a dummy trail." Or that one and a half of those trackers would consider it. And have to follow their instincts in private because they were born a woman and thus incapable of making decisions on the island. Even though they're smarter and cooler.

It's the appearance of the guy from The Wire. I don't say it like that because I'm too lazy to IMDB his name, but because that's what it felt like, like a young kid trying to make up a bedtime story, "And then the guy from The Wire showed up! And he had a Jet Ski! And you were there!" Just like when they hired Brian K. Vaughn as a writer. Like if you walked into the show planning room, there's no paper on the wall listing "What Happened on the Island", just a long list of "Things We Think Are Cool". And they're only 15 minutes ahead of me. I'm waiting for Craig Finn to be the pilot of the rescue boat. Or for them to hire Steven King to write an episode where Charlie hooks up with other famous dead musicians to cover all of Vampire Weekend's Blue CD-R.

It makes me think of friends in NYC who try to drop their City Mouse Science in These Modern Times, when you have to say, "Yeah, it's 2008. We have the Internet. I've heard that band too. Yup, I've known about that trend for 3 weeks now as well. Sorry."